Today I sit at this box
tap tap tap
thinking of big things I must achieve tap tap tap
flying to Singapore
tap tap tap
one person at a time
tap tap tap
wishing the Gods around me hurried this mission up
tap tap tap
arising from the ashes
tap tap tap
in essence I walk forward
tap tap tap
heaven help the earth
tap tap tap
China has a oil leak now
tap tap tap
Mexico is murdered
tap tap tap
I feel it all
tap tap tap
fly me to my home
tap tap tap
© 21.7.2010
The sadness I feel about people who continue to abuse themselves make s me feel sick.
In the world of spirituality it has been seen that men Lie, Cheat and Deceive.
I have learned as a masculine woman who has thought deeply about transitioning at different times in my life that the entitlement trap of the male is the fundamental problem of all religions and spiritual and personal growth programs.
It is sickening how men have invaded the world of the female spirituality and how it has been minimised.
My gender journey has been bold and bolder. I stand strong as a woman in the vastness of the abuses that men have perpetrated on and over women.
Woman stand and watch as the physicalness and greed is continued century after century and we stand on and watch the destruction of out earth, our Mother.
I spend alot of time talking to men, and they are always attracted to me, my mind, my soul but they cant see passed the fact that I am a big woman who likes to wear a suit and tie and/or a big fur with a cigar.
Men constantly cheat and deny themselves the time to heal their suffering, they must heal their minds and hearts and give back to the ower of the feminine and stop trying to own it.
Mother Earth is beginning to speak and there is nothing men can do about her power. The power of our Mother cannot be controled and the more that men stupidly attempt to do this, the more she will react.
So the lesson is this: respect the Feminine, listen to her, seek her truth and you shall know deep and powerful love.
I once worked for a spiritual organisation that had a corrupt Director. I gave my heart and soul to this organisation and I truly believed in the work. I was so proud of the achievements and achieved enormous skills and enormous respect and love from my participants and peers globally, then random people would start to tell me about sexual inappropriateness from people who worked in the program in private counselling sessions with me, lies about scholarship funds, requests being agreed upon as a team then ignored, general bad business practices and it amazes me now how the need to belong can blind a soul, the need for a spiritual family is abused, the positive feelings felt in new age courses are then manipulated so the owners can become financially richer and leave their staff almost begging and broke.
So now I see spiritual programs that take people to the highest of highs as extremely manipulative, yet they will knock the stuffing out of a true spiritual leader, make them feel bad about themselves, used them to gain financial wealth.
This is hard for me to write because I love the course so very much, I did once believe in the teachings but as i grew my instincts knew that this type of work was out dated, the fighting, the squabbling, the cheating and lying, …was all too much, I became sick, i had migraines and the Director and his cronies simply did not care, the emotional affair and I suspect affairs with other staff members was hard to be around, the narcissism of the teachers particularly the men who craved for the most attractive participants to be attracted to them, the sexualising of beautiful women, the constant complaints from women and their husbands about suggestive sexual actions… it was all too much… I got sick… then everything blew up and the men stuck together, more lies and more incredible moments of absolute rage directed at someone who was innocent and poured their heart and soul into the business of another.
I now have my own course and I make sure I am fair and i give selflessly…
Don’t Trust Spiritual Programs that are franchises and/or run by men for over 10 years…. they usually have many skeletons in their closets…
when one is comfortable with their life, it does not take a flaming bomb for the tantric surge to begin again.
Unquestionable
Unrelenting
Unspeakable
Languished
Leather
Rope
Flashing steel
Moments Moments Moments
More than the word can say
the battle royal
Human spirit
Lust
Unbridled surrender
Blasting forth
I know
Present
Timeless
Forever
Noble
Tender
Crush beyond the dimensions
Go home
Slice that clothing off
Hugs
Remembering
Temper
Violence
Love
Magic
Intensity
Energy like never before
I have been working on my shamanic animals within me over the past year and I love these parts that live with my human soul.
I have had to unlearn all that I have learned. Emptying my mind is proving difficult as I am so highly trained and have a whole life of knowledge, programs, university, nursing, psychology, self psychology, 20 years of 12 step programs, exclusive original pain training at a high level, Trauma release, Primal therapy, Avatar (scientology based errrrrkkk), Rieki, Osho Kundalini release, bio dynamics, gestalt, Vision quest, NLP, Community work, Social Justice streams, and Art Therapy. Now that’s a hell of a lot to let go of and there probably is more I have forgotten, but the spiritual lesson in this quest, this search is simple. Connection to the pureness of existence, if I don’t have the connection to myself how can I possibly be connected to another.
Currently I am under going a Shamanic learning that is private and very simple. The depth of love is so deep that I am astonished at what I have put myself through over my life. The answer, my book is nearing completion, I can feel it and it can feel me. The codes, the numbers, the words, the vibration.
The last Hoffman Process I taught in Australia was my first experience of the other realms, a indigenous woman went to a place and took us all into another realm of existence and every person on that course was witness to the most astonishing expression of love I have ever experienced and witnessed. It will never be repeated because it was how the stars in the universe lined up and as a result Transformed Self has been born and this program will be taught around the world and that is my purpose and mission whilst I live in this reality. I hope you enjoy my words as I travel through to the end of a book and complete a circle that we all must radiate toward or not toward. Life is powerful and must always be respected, the animals and plants around us vibrate many messages and we simply need to look, listen and learn about the collective balance, it is unfortunate that ignorance and unconscious behaviour happens at ‘supposed’ high levels of personal growth but I know deeply that the Tree of Life needs to be cared for not graffiti on and neglected, not over watered as it has to learn resilience but hey it’s a plan and the plan is about waking up. In my U-Tube little clip.. I state WAKE Up its a great time to be Alive…. and it sure is….
Bear – Strength, Bravery and deep psychic knowing, teaches me about introspection. Bear medicine teaches me to go within, in order to digest my experiences and to discover that within me I contain and have the answers to all of my questions. I am my own best teacher. Then I bring what I find within to the surface and share it with others.
Panther -High Psychic ability, like to live alone and will stalk for the panther loves the story around it. magic, mystery and being independent. The panther, a creature which combines a high degree of sensuality with a deeply psychic and spiritual nature, teaches us that the physical and spiritual worlds are not separate, but one.
Eagle, High Psychic evolution and see things from afar… the term eagle eye, ability to see things from a long way away, in life a great skill when watching the world.reminds us of courage and spirit. Eagle flies fearlessly, bridging heaven and earth, and teaches us to courageously face our fear of the unknown in order to fly as high as our heart’s joy can take us. Finding out the true emotional aspects within self, using them to rediscover the child within, and awaken a higher sense of passion, creativity, spirituality, strength and healing
Hummingbird, gives me joy, love a beauty. Hummingbird darts lightly through the world, spreading its message of joy and beauty, and teaching us to appreciate the wonder and magic of everyday existence. It teaches you how to live in joy and peace.
This combination is incredible and I am fortunate to have all these aspects within me and without…..
I turned and saw your soul
Elegant and magical and perfectly bold
I flew into a whirl wind with you
We danced the night away and all about was new
Timeless souls we shouted and cried
I never left you, even for a single while
Electric fence was put between you
Wiggling whenever there was something new
a crack of the old block
He was your Dad
Mine was the opposite and Im so glad
He made you with a soul kiss with your Mum
That means that you are never ever going to be glum
I have learned and turned within the birth plan
Changed and happy lad is my heroic lifespan
Life only gets better when you follow your heart
I’ve learned to eat the outrageous part
Never giving up is heaven all around
I remember your words and always dance with the clowns
The estatic moments of a lovers sigh
The moaning of the innocent is a delightful drive and wave goodbye
The tree’s love you and follow me round the towns
Nothing like being stalked by a happy crown
Dressing to look the part
Your heart beats with mine
I dont care what others think
My heart is so happy that nothing will make me refined
I am big and bold and will fight to the death
Letting happiness go is not even in the quest
A new lifetime will keep me happy forevermore
Because you are the delight of the lovers heart and more.
I was twirling on my shoe
When your steel capped boot walked onto a big poo
I cleaned it up with my giant hose
You chased me passed the fickled rose
I stopped and turned and wiped my brow
and raised my lip with an endearing scowl
you dropped to your knee’s and giggled a tune
when along came the bunny rabbit with a big spoon
smart moving was not your plan
you curled up in a ball as you sucked the flan
a twisted light turned to a color stream
I hugged you both all night long while the 2 of you screamed
A
An internal type of Wo/MAN I am… gender bender… and secret lover of all the freshness of the dance of the seven veils and the temptress who dances her many varied styles toward the unsuspecting, suspecting, wanting, hungry wolves. A sinsiter sadist watches with glee and unpredictablity as the hunt is always a caravan of romantic gypsies rolling their wares to a new village. The circus of lions, tigers and bears, lions, tigers and bears with the cages polished by the bought slaves who are devoted to the handlebared Walrus who gives the world a special special show of electricity.
I live in the land of the giant flower with the vibrancy of spectactular, breath taking, delicious pain that drips deep dark purple splashes upon your tethered brow, which excites and makes me jump into the vat of jelly beans that live on the side of the mountain I climb on a daily basis.
Free falling into the static heavens of black contortion sends the grace within flying nobily into the ascending vaccumed rubber bag of helium laughter and pure tender molestation.
A moment of cabinet making hues and razor sharp wit is devoured over the cup of brewed morning sunshine as your sublime mutation slithers off the plate for a dive into the vanquished rhythm of hops and spurts and trolloped cream stirred with 2 lady lumps.
A Manillion ways of delving, a cocktrillion ways of knowing, a sssssequillion ways of flowing, a flaberillion ways of passing through the timeless beauty known as – this Life – is my kinky way of living in a world that is artistic and knows no bounds
I walk with you and listen well
Your a friend who I care for and I think your swell
I care for your spirit and encourage you to be true
I support you by telling you that I love you
I protect you from harm and risk a friendship
you talk long into the night about your problems alright
you drink and use my home and never pay a cent
I ask for a little to pay the rent
we have a fight because your obsessions take over
I see that you cant understand and I ask you to move over
you leave pretending that I have hurt you
In fact you lied constantly and trapped me and put me in a stew
You told me things about others that where not true
I am not a betraying dog, unlike you
my friends curse me and say I’m a fraud, a bitch and a whole lot more
I stick to my guns and remain stoic for sure
You then befriend your old enemy who you trashed
Then break my heart by telling me about a secret birthday bash
I am a spirit who likes to soar
I have learned a lot about people who lie cheat and ignore
I am stronger now that you and your friends are gone
I love you still and wish you a life lived long
Goodbye and take your illusions with you to the shore
Have a beautiful life and remember the gift of friendships and much much more
